Random Thoughts from Insomnia

I’ve been lying in bed for an inordinate amount of time. Why am I suffering from insomnia tonight? People say I ponder too much as I lay in bed and they may be true. 

My sleep schedule has always been a little sporadic and it often affects and intrudes in my life. Some days, I have a difficult day at work due to lack of sleep. Other days, my workouts can’t just quite get there. On these days, since my productivity is down, I feel disappointed in myself, wishing that my normal assiduous and hardworking energy is there **random side thought: Check out Matthew Walker, the sleep expert, if you haven’t.** My feelings and thoughts seem evanescent. Despite the lack of sleep, overall I persevere and maintain my schedule. I have been joining new groups and meet ups; I’ve been hiking and exercising consistently (almost excessively). In this sense, I’ve transcended the pervading obstacles my lack of sleep. So I am extremely proud of myself. 

Now that I’m much older, I’ve realized is that I am not apathetic towards my future nor my present. Every commitment I take on is a decision that I make. Every inaction that I take is also a decision on my part. Inaction is not equal to a lack of decision; it’s an active decision to not put forth the effort. And I acknowledge that without action, things don’t get done. You can’t wish results into existence without the effort. In this aspect, I wish I could Dunning-Kruger effect myself into success. Maybe a fool would be better at it since they would learn from their own failures.

I am the culprit of my own insomnia. Only I am reprehensible for my actions.

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