Communication is Key

marriage

In Korea, I’m of that age to get married. There seems to be a lot of social pressure for me to get married. Recently, every conversation with my parents have been anchored by the topic of marriage. The topic is broached with every relative I meet. Most of my friends are eloped or are in the process.

And I believe that I am prepared, granted that I meet the right person. But as I wrote about what I’m looking for, I discovered that I’m awfully picky. I’m not looking to “settle,” but to grow. I need someone to push me, to cultivate me, to encourage me. And I want someone I can build as well.

Of course, they’re not a project, but I just want a mutually beneficial relationship – a symbiotic one, of sorts.

And I have made my efforts to date women of all sorts to expand my pool of possibility. In Korea, I even went out on set-ups.

And they went well, in my opinion. But the largest obstacle that I would face in meeting is the communication barrier. Yes, there will be some cultural disparities and conflicting perspectives, but I honestly believe these can be fused with the correct amount of communication.

But how do you learn to communicate every facet of your persona and opinion when you speak two different languages and come from two different worlds?

Am I making an excuse? Or is this a legitimate concern? I understand that I am afraid of commitment and the possibility of letting others down. Is my thinking a result of this fear or is it something that I truly believe?

Do I take a leap of faith or abandon all efforts?

This is someone who I will be spending the remainder of my life with. It should be someone I should be able to communicate with in a multitude of fashions.

Photo Credit: Builders Studio via Compfight cc

Introspection – How to Find the Right Life Partner

When I attended college, I dated from what I felt was a decent pool of women. I tried, to the best of my abilities, to keep an open mind and be acceptive and expressive to each and every individual. This time taught me what characteristic traits I wanted in a life partner, but I never wrote it down.

During my time in Korea, I have been able to reflect and record what I identify most with. It has been quite some time since I had a girlfriend, but now I know exactly what I want. I realize that I will never find the person that meets my list 100%, but this exercise has certainly allowed me to be honest with myself.

I realize some of this may brush off as pompous, superficial, and even mean. But I think it’s better that you come to terms with who you are and what you want. If you don’t, then you will be unhappy and/or incompatible with the person you end up with.

Organization Levels:

  1. Fundamental Pillars
    1. General Characteristic Constituents
      1. Specific Individual Articles

After you read mine, I encourage you write yours. Here goes…

  1. A Similar or Higher Level of Intellect
    1. Educational Background
      1. Bachelor’s Degree or Higher Studies
    2. Continual Yearning to Learn
      1. Someone who reads books, newspapers, and browses external sources for further knowledge, information, and creativity
      2. Someone who enjoys going to the bookstore and getting “lost” for a day with me
      3. Someone who asks why?
      4. Someone who would rather ask how things work instead of remain ignorant and overlook it
    3. Ability to Engage in Deep, Provocative Dialogue
      1. Someone who has the ability to make compelling, logical arguments
      2. Someone who is concise, yet incisive
      3. Someone who can stimulate the natural flow of a conversation and know how to manipulate different nuances via color, tone, diction, body language, facial expression, etc.
      4. Someone who challenges me and encourages me to think further
    4. Articulate and Eloquent
      1. Someone who can express themselves with a relative level of ease and not have trouble finding words
      2. Someone who understands that words contain varying connotations and these subtle connotations matter
  2. An Attractive Physique
    1. Age
      1. +/- 5 years from my age
        1. This is only because most girls don’t have the level of maturity, development, and aspirations at younger ages.
    2. Activity Level
      1. Someone who adopts a healthy level of fitness and outdoor activity
      2. Someone who will explore the outdoors (all habitats included – plains, tundra, mountainous, etc.) with me via hikes, walks, canoeing, etc.
      3. Someone who engages in casual to competitive sports, tennis highly preferred
    3. Height and Weight
      1. Someone around my height 5’7” or shorter
      2. Someone who can be described as physically fit to skinny
      3. Someone who is not fragile
    4. Confidence and Self Image
      1. Someone who has little to no self-image issues
      2. Someone who is content with their body, but always makes attempts to better themselves
    5. Cute and Innocent
      1. Someone who is often described as innocent and/or cute
      2. Someone who smiles frequently and abundantly
    6. Dress
      1. Someone who often dresses sophisticated or classy when going outdoors
      2. Someone with a sense of fashion and can help me dress better
  3. A Similar Persona that Weaves Smoothly
    1. Adventurous
      1. Someone who has the ability to overcome fears with me
      2. Someone who will sky dive, bungee jump, heli-ski, and/or do other crazy things with me
    2. Honesty and Forthrightness
      1. Someone who I can be frank with, without worrying about the feelings being damaged because I am speaking out of love and respect
      2. Someone who can be equally as frank with me
      3. Someone I can communicate with on multiple levels without reservation or judgement
    3. Proactive and Optimistic
      1. Someone who knows obstacles can be overcome and makes an active, perceptive effort to overcome these obstacles
    4. Open-minded Extrovert
      1. Someone who is inquisitive and enjoys learning about people’s experiences and thoughts
    5. Receptive to Emotions
      1. Someone who can read body language and emotional insights from other people
    6. Strong Principles
      1. Someone who will not lead an immoral lifestyle and has the convinction to do what is right over what is optimal for self
  4. Similar Lifestyle Habits
    1. Frugality
      1. Someone who has similar spending habits as me (saving a significant portion of their paycheck for future investments)
      2. Someone who values the dollar and the difficult of making money
      3. Someone is wants to earn more than the average family and as a couple, live a richer life (rich with experience, but require $)
    2. Cultured and Well-Traveled
      1. Someone who has developed some perspective and realizes that there is a whole world outside of home
      2. Someone who takes bits and pieces from various cultures and adopts the best traditions and best etiquettes from each
      3. Someone who likes to travel and will travel with me after marriage
      4. Someone who does not take things for granted and thanks others often for their actions (sending thank you cards after dinners, not showing up to someone’s house empty handed, etc.)
      5. Someone who has forgives often and understands that not everyone is blessed with the same circumstances as you
    3. Experimental and Spontaneous
      1. Someone who has a conservative regimen, yet lives spontaneously
      2. Someone who likes to stay at home for the majority of the days, but can accept and enjoy when something occurs from spontaneity
    4. Food, Wine, and Chocolate Aficionado
      1. Someone who likes to cook and bake
    5. Live Performance Lover
      1. Someone who enjoys live performances such as musicals, plays, broadways, operas, symphonies, etc.
      2. Someone who understands the strenous hours of dedication that is required and expected from theatrical performances
  5. An Indestructible Emotional Connection
    1. Passion
      1. Someone who I have a fiery passion with… this could be anywhere from extreme fiery fights followed
      2. Someone I could sweet off her feet
      3. Someone who I have a strong sexual connection with
    2. Romance
      1. Someone I can treat and spoil, as a hopeless romantic. I would plan out and execute spectacular surprises, scavenger hunts, etc.
      2. Someone who appreciates the small thoughts and small gifts
  6. A Continuous Persuit for Spirituality
    1. Christian Background
      1. Someone who is exhibits a committed devotion to a higher spirit and acknowledges that we are not alone
      1. Someone who could strengthen my connection with God
  7. An Abundant Family Background (less crucial; however, given the parameters of the above, they will most likely be from the following)
    1. Mid-to-High Social Status
      1. Someone who comes from a healthy, loving family
      2. Someone who is wealthy would be nice, but not necessary
    2. Large Family
      1. Someone who has a larger family so we can spend time with both sides of the family
      2. Someone who has received and given out plenty of love throughout the members of their family
      3. Someone who is not the last child (not crucial, but last child’s have a proclivity to be selfish)
  8. Ethnicity
    1. Asian preference, but I’m open minded
    2. Someone who is not susceptible to bigotry or prejudice (seeing that my friends come in every color and every ethnicity)
    3. Someone who does not come from a background and/or history of racism
    4. Someone without any personal vendettas
  9. Future
    1. Children
      1. Someone who wants two children
      2. Someone who believes those two children will be everything in the world
    2. Ambitions
      1. Someone who is driven to excel professionally and personally
      2. Someone who doesn’t settle and expects more out of life
  10. Miscellaneous Bonuses
    1. Artistic Inclination
      1. Someone who can sing!
      2. Someone who can draw, paint, or design in any form (interior design is awesome).
      3. Someone who has musical acumen and not tone deaf (like I am)
    2. Polyglot
      1. Someone who can speak Korean and English is preferred; other languages are bonuses

If you or someone you know can be identified with a majority of the above qualities and are a female, send an application! 🙂 hahaha

Introspection – Having and Raising Kids

I’ve been in Korea for less than a week. It’s a true blessing to have this opportunity to spend with my two nieces. They are two of the most precious and adorable jewels.

The first day I came, I literally spent hours on end, watching the newborn sleep. Breathe in. Breathe out. Lungs expanding. Lungs collapsing. What an inexplicable feeling of warmth, joy, love, and awe.

The second day, I was gently woken up by the whimpering cry of my first niece. That is the first true glimpse of fatherhood I have ever experienced. I was able to comfort her, hold her, and play with her. I was her rock for that morning. And it was amazing.

I have always loved kids. I want to be the most loving and caring father. I want to hear my children’s resounding laughs echo through eternity.

But it’s much harder than I ever thought. The sheer amount of patience and love that is required cannot be measured by any means.

I once remember seeing a single mother, carrying two children in her arms. Both children crying ever so loudly, flailing their arms. At the time, I couldn’t help but think that she was doing wrong. But now, I’ve discovered that my thoughts were judgmental and premature. Kids are fickle by nature because their innocence. They constantly crave an endless supply of love and attention.

It’s going to be tough. It’s going to be amazing.

10 Things to Stop Saying to Your Kids (and What to Say Instead) via Lifehacker

This was an interested read. As someone who wants to father independent, intellectual, self-sustaining and impactful children, this is great advice.

Group Of Children Running In Park

Current research shows that some of the most commonly used and seemingly positive phrases we use with kids are actually quite destructive. Despite our good intentions, these statements teach children to stop trusting their internal guidance system, to become deceptive, to do as little as possible, and to give up when things get hard.

This is a guest post by Shelley Phillips via Lifehack.org.

Here’s a list of the top ten things to eliminate from your vocabulary now. I’ve also included alternatives so that you can replace these habitual statements with phrases that will actually encourage intrinsic motivation and emotional connection.

Read more at Lifehacker.com

Why Men Lose Interest After Sex

ratsex

The Coolidge Effect, is mammalian instinct to constantly seek various sexual partners. This is why men lose interest when watching the same pornography or lose interest in the same sexual partner. It can be harmful to relationships and marriages. But we are human beings that have consciousness. This also occurs with females, but there is a larger focus on males.

As humans, we must control the way we feel and act. As people who exercise moral character, we must remain faithful. As devoted husbands, fathers, wives, and mothers, we should stay loyal to our one true partner.