Browsing Reddit the other day and stumbled upon this jewel by a Redditor named nopeSleep:
There is this weird mentally, especially on circlejerking places like Reddit, that somehow you deserve to have all the things you want. That you deserve that awesome woman or man that you only dare to stare at from a distance. That you deserve the great body, healthy skin, perfect job, high pay, amazing holidays, the new computer or your dream fulfilled.
Well, guess what: You don’t. There is no one in the universe that looks at you and says “well, you deserve to have all these things, I am going to give them to you”. You don’t deserve anything. If you can read this you probably already had many great things thrown at you for which you didn’t do a thing. A good education, loving parents, food, shelter, a computer, maybe even a good spot in university or a good job.
If you want to be the person that you want to be – do something for it. You don’t know people? How could you if you waste your time on Reddit or with porn? Go and get a hobby, join a club, do something that you haven’t done before.
You can’t dance? Learn it. You can’t tell jokes? Train it. You don’t like your job? Find a new one. You don’t have the skills? Find out what skills you want – and learn it. You want to find an attractive partner? Become an attractive partner first.
I am annoyed by Reddit, or, to say it more precise: By the attitude of a large part of the youth today. By the beliefs that people here hold. My favourite is the “Need work experience to find a job” thing that comes up every now or then. Why do they look for people with work experience? Because any employer knows that those who don’t have work experience are probably at fault themselves. They are the self-entitled ones who believe that food should fly in their mouths, and that their great inner values are enough to become great, no work needed. Sure, there might be one or two who would deserve better luck – but likely, when you are honest with yourself, you are probably not one of them.
Or another: friendzone. Friendzone. The most ridiculous and sexist concept I have ever heard of. Yes, it’s now applied in both directions, but traditionally it is that a woman “puts” a “nice” guy in the friendzone. The poor fellow. She is so hot and he likes her so much. And he does nice things for her. Why doesn’t she love him for the things he does? Why is she so cruel? Well, it’s because he is an idiot. He believes that you can buy attraction. Do you fall in love with a girl just because she occasionally helps you out? Of course not. You fall in love because of looks and character and her behaviour and likely because of a well formed personality. She is an interesting person, that’s why you feel attracted to her, why you want to spend time with her. And, sure, some women might more or less consciously exploit that. But that doesn’t change the matter:
If you believe that somebody else ought to love you because you do something nice for them; if you believe that somebody else needs to feel a certain way because of things you do – then you are an idiot. If you are unhappily in the friendzone – you are an idiot, plain and simple. Deal with it, accept that you have a good friend, and move on. Or try and take the relationship to a new level. But don’t whine how cruel the girl is because she doesn’t let you hump her even when you fix her computer.
Do you deserve anything? HELL NO. Is there a “fair” universe – where fair means biased in your favour – that gives you all the things you want? HELL NO.
If you are on Reddit whining about your lack of friends or partner or your horrible job – then consider for a moment whether you are part of the problem, whether it is not your fault rather than the rest of the world being rude to you.
You chose a bad partner? Your choice.
You think you deserve a better job? Go and get it.
Yes yes, it’s not easy. Oh, you sent 70 applications and still no one took you? Did you ever consider that maybe you are not interesting enough for them to take you? Maybe it’s not your lack of experience, mabye it’s your horrible spelling, your lack of skills, your subtle disrespect for them, or any other of a million things. Maybe you are just unlucky, there are a few of those – but, if you are honest with yourself, the chance that you are one of them is small.
Most people are socialised in this “get it all” society. Instant gratification through TV and fast food and those fake achievements of games that come in exactly that interval that keeps you hooked. Life doesn’t work like that. Clicking a button and doing fun things will rarely make you successful. Hard work, that’s where it’s at. Of course, even hard work doesn’t guarantee anything. You need to invest it wisely. You need to be willing to make sacrifices. You need to stay strong. You want to lose those 200lb? Well, good for you that you exercise 15 minutes a day. Bad for you that you say yes to all those donuts and chips.
People fail because they expect instant rewards. You avoid that donut and in return you wake up in the morning and your trousers fit. You start reading a book on French and the next day you can talk fluently. You can sit in front of your computer, doing your job with average results while you spend time on reddit – and you still think you deserve a raise? You wake up and don’t bother to shower but still expect people to enjoy your company? You spend your nights all at home playing video games and still you expect to be able to have interesting discussions with other people?
You, if you are that person, are an idiot. You don’t deserve good things, you work for them. The whole concept of “deserving” something, punishment or reward, is based on an ancient logic that there is somebody watching over us who can read your mind and rewards you for merely being good and punishes you for merely being bad. Well, guess what, you can get away with stealing when you do it right. And you can suffer for doing good things, if you do it wrong.
Get that in your head: The world is not fair. The World Is Not Fair. There is no fairness, no justice. And you should be happy about that, because else probably you would be starving and not the Indian farmer who works 14 hours a day to feed his family and still half his children die from diarrhea and he himself with 30 from starvation.
The world is not fair. You can be one of the 1% or so lucky ones, those who get things for merely being born in the right family, or with the right looks or the incredible mental skills. But chances are you are not.
But still: You can be the person you want to be. You CAN. If you work for it. Your application keeps getting refused? Ask others why. Ask them for candid feedback, not to be nice. You are alone? Go out and meet people? You are fat? Lose weight. Oh, but your friends want to go to McDonalds? Nice excuse for lack of wilpower. You don’t know how to cook? Learn it. You are bored? Go get a life. You hate your town? Move.
I hear you, I really do. You say “it’s not that easy” or maybe “you just don’t understand my situation” or “I’m trying my best..” blah blah.
My answer is simple: You are an idiot. You don’t understand, you refuse to understand a simple fact: The world is not skewed in your favour. You don’t deserve anything. Life is not supposed to be easy, it is not supposed to be any way. There are no checkpoints along the way, or small boxes with rewards – life is not a video game. Life just is. It is hard, it is sometimes unfair, it is sometimes difficult, even painful. But if you don’t like it the way there is only one option. Only one, and unless you accept that you will fail over and over again, you will be unhappy for all your life:
If you don’t like the way things are – fight with all your power to change it. You can’t find happiness, you have to create it. You don’t deserve breaks. You don’t deserve a pat on the back. You don’t deserve that snickers. You don’t deserve those new shoes. You don’t “deserve” anything.
You need to choose where you want to be, and then you need to work your way towards it. Someday you might succeed. Or maybe you don’t. But you know one thing: If you never try you will always fail, every day, every hour, every second.
You need to work for the things you want. Of course you can’t achieve everything. Of course not everybody can be president. But for those things that any person dreams of – a good partner, a nice place, a good job and a healthy social life, and for most other dreams that people might hold: You are not magically entitled to have it. You need to work for it. There is no alternative. And if you believe there is, if you believe you are entitled to something, to anything – then you are, plain and simple, an idiot.
Do you act and think as if you are entitled? Do you believe that you deserve things to be better? Then, my friend, you are wrong. Then, my friend, you need to learn that the world is not a good and gentle place. The world is a neutral place. Some start lucky. Some start unlucky. But I haven’t seen a person yet who cannot improve his lot by working hard on improving it.