I am so profoundly astonished how time gives you perspective. Last week, I felt a void and I went through cycles of pain. This time I wanted to feel the pain and be conscientious of my emotions. This week, I have had a surprising number of epiphanies through reading, through self-reflection, and from prayer.
I am back to working on myself. And I am so happy I am back track.
Dating Epiphany #1: Dating creates a mesh of identity and many times, one person may even lose a sense of identity.
When I try to recall all my past relationships, I realize that one person in the relationship loses a sense of identity. A lot of this is because relationships are compromise/sacrifice. Although my friends had warned me that I was doing too much for the person I dated last, I thought I was doing the right thing because it came from the heart and that my actions were coming out of love. Due to being in a long distance relationship, I would sacrifice and not do some the things that made me who I am so that I could drive up to see her and spend time with her. I would go overboard to ensure that she was happy because as a loving boyfriend, I would make sure that she would be happy. But I was so focused on making her happy, that I lost a sense of identity to ensure I would be happy. I neglected myself.
Dating Epiphany #2: Everyone should take a day or two and re-calibrate on self. Re-evaluate yourself and check where the power dynamic lies.
I know who I am and I know I want to be. (Humble brag) I know I treat others extremely well and with the utmost respect. I want to do things for others because it brings me joy. I’ll make every effort to ensure they have a better quality of life. But whether it is in a relationship in dating or within the family or even in business, I need to take a step back and see what the opposing party does for me. Does the company that you’re doing business with make you happy? To what end will they go? Does the person you’re dating put in the effort you deserve? Does your family member treat you the way you should be treated? Most of this can be subjective, but there are objective lines. Empower yourself and ensure your approve of your actions.
Dating Epiphany #3: I need you in my life vs I want you in my life.
The difference between needing someone in your life versus wanting someone in your life is subtle, but enormous. It may sound like common sense when you read it, but when you critically think about it, there are very few things you actually need in your life except for biological requires such as oxygen, water, food, etc. I never really needed her in my life; I wanted her in my life. I never really needed this business; I wanted this business.
Dating Epiphany #4: Too many people perceive vulnerability as weakness.
I have a strong sense of who I am. I am comfortable being in a state of vulnerability. I leave myself exposed and I am okay with it. Vulnerability is not weakness. It comes from a place of confidence. Vulnerability means that you’re okay with others judging you and thinking less of you. That does not equate to weakness, in fact, it’s the complete opposite and comes from a place of strength and confidence.