Back to Blogging – Introspection Early 2013

I’m sitting here in Rockford, Michigan. This is the second-to-last business trip I will have to go on for my uncle. Just one more trip to Salt Lake City and I will be completely free.
I have an hour before my meeting with Wolverine World Wide. During the flight and drive here, I thought a lot about my life and my job for my uncle. Traveling alone has driven me into a state of loneliness and depression. I think this is why I have been so unhappy. As of late, I have fallen into video games, rarely leaving the house. My aunt and cousin were in town, but I haven’t spent a single moment with them. Instead I stayed planted on the computer, living life through the virtual means.
My actions have been a manifestation of a deeper issue within myself. I have been selfish and judgmental. I should have soaked up these experiences and internalized the beauty of life. The human condition is a marvelous mystery and it is a tragedy that I have not appreciated life on the road, absorbing different lifestyles and culture. Instead, I frown upon people who never left their home. Now, I have become one of them.
I need a change. I need a new start. Life is supposed to take you to unchartered, better territories. But I’ve returned back to where I’m safe. I’m scared of taking risks and I’m scared of being a failure. I think this is the result of the over-protective shell our parents casted on us. I think this is why I haven’t accomplished any of my past 5 years of resolutions.
Are we scared of failure or do we fear what success brings?
I’m at a crossroads. Do I launch my own business or do I take a chance and do something new and crazy? Do I want to travel and discover the world and discover myself?
My sole resolution this year is to come to terms with who I am and who I have been, accepting and forgiving myself for every mistake I have made and sincerely growing. My past resolutions were never accomplished because I never did them for myself… Get a better body? This was a superficial facade. I wanted girls to look at me with lustful eyes. I wanted it for the wrong reasons.
Well, there’s my rant. I probably didn’t make any sense, but hopefully you can take what you can from it.

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